I’ve been thinking about those people in our life that put the little extra heat under our bottom.
You know the ones.
Those people in our life that have us breathing fire instead of all the chillax vibes. We all have those people in our life.
All. Of. Us.
Maybe you can even think of more than one. Oh, goodness friends, I can think of a few.
I love everyone. But, I don’t like everyone.
Now, come on, don’t get too squirmy here…
I LOVE my Sol Sense tribe. That’s you, sweet friend, by the way.
Sending you sweet, sparkly virtual hugs now. You feel it?
I’m talking about those really hard personalities in our life – whether friend, family, colleagues, or acquaintances.
Some people are simply mean and unkind. Yes, the growly grizzlies…
No matter what we do, there is no spark to light. There is no glow to flow, at least between us and the other person.
And, they are still our human brother and sister so love them we must, but like them and we kind of rust!
I’ve written about loving people from a distance before. We have to put boundaries around certain people in our life.
It could be that the energy mix is explosive or too dark or too toxic or…
Well, you get the idea.
I felt this so strongly the other day. The news hit me like little knives stabbing me in my heart.
I was so fired up about this person and what they were saying and how they were saying it. I was having a hot minute…. or well, probably more truthfully, like several.
As I do many times when I have a little extra heat under my bottom (and my tongue), I was expressing all the feels to my husband and said some colorful things.
Not to him. Well, ok… to him, but not about him. It was about these other people in my life.
Yep. I was being fiery with my expression.
And, I was still able to maintain my composure.
I, perhaps arguably so, was still being kind.
Moments later after my fiery expression, I walked into my older son’s room to help quiz him on some new Spanish terms and upon noticing me looking a bit distraught, he told me to take some deep breaths.
I almost wanted to cry, y’all. I couldn’t believe he told me that.
Hallelujah, he listens to me sometimes!
This leads me to something I realized in that experience. It’s ok to say things in a fiery + kind manner.
I call it fiery kindness. The experts on this matter call it healthy conflict.
We don’t want to shove our upset feelings out of the way. It’s normal and natural that our voices will have various intonations during this expression.
But, there is something called within reason…
And, I get that’s subjective.
I also think you get what I mean by that.
So, as I dealt with an intense emotion the other day, I didn’t smile and “pretend to be kind”.
What I did do, with my husband as my sweet sounding board (it’s good to have one of these, or both), was fully express how upset I was, shared how the person in question made me feel, and that I needed a boundary set immediately, and declared that “Love we must, but like everyone and we rust!”
Can you feel me on this one?
I also took my older son’s advice and took several deep, mindful breaths.
Awe, it was so helpful.
Then, I slept on it.
And, now, I’m writing to you to share.
I wanted you to know that it’s ok to be fiery and kind. We can be both. We don’t have to pick one or the other.
Even Jesus said, “Cast not pearls before swine.” Meaning, don’t waste time on people who won’t appreciate the things you do.
If you are having a hard time with a challenging personality, sometimes, certain mixes don’t work.
Say what you need to say with fiery kindness.
I don’t mean fake kindness and I certainly don’t mean rude.
It’s like a little sizzle with a warm hug.
And, know that it’s ok to do this sometimes.
Think of it as expressing yourself with a little spicy composure, a sweet kick of heartfulness, and some deep breath vibes to start fresh.
PS – Let me know how you are doing and while you are at it send me some high tens, sparkly hugs, or just a little hello by hitting reply.